(Ok, ok. "Creepy" is not a PC word to use. Maybe I was a little harsh. So, let's just change the word to Stranger. Feel better? Ok, good. :) )
Can we just take a moment to talk about how literal our kids can be? How embarrassing it can be for us moms who are trying so hard to teach them about rules, values, morals, and "the way things are" when they blurt out something WE said, but totally didn't mean to be repeated in that context....or in public! Or ever!
Case in point:
About this time, last year, we had the privilege of fostering 2 families of young children, all under the age of 6. As is often the case, these children, due to having various caregivers in and out of their young lives, they did not understand the word STRANGER. I'm talking, every single person they saw was instantly a best friend, playmate, Auntie, Uncle, or in many cases, even "Mama." Literally, I would introduce the child to said person, and the child would immediately answer back, "Will you be my Mama?"
Couldn't make this up if I tried.
Ok, so it took a while, but I finally got over the initial shock of experiences like our 6 yr. old boy who would ask innocent passersby, at Wal-Mart, for money to purchase candy or toys. Like he knew them. I would even ask him about the person he attempted to panhandle, to which he calmly and nonchalantly always replied, "Nope. I never met them. But I just wanted to have some money for the Power Rangers."
What kind of adult fishes money out of his pocket to give to a child he has just met?
Needless to say, I got down to business.
I began explaining how Strangers Are:
1.) People we do not know.
2.) People we have never met. They do not know our names, we do not know their names.
3.) People who do not live with us, go to school with us, go to church with us, or visit us.
If we see a stranger, We Never:
1.) Talk to them.
2.) Take anything from them.
3.) Go anywhere with them.
Pretty simple, right? Absolutely! At least I thought so, until I spied one of our 4 yr. old girls literally plopping herself into a middle-aged woman's lap (whom none of us had ever even SEEN until that day), snuggling up to her, and eating blueberries out of her hand, at the Bounce House.
Who allows someone's random kid to sit in their lap, in the first place, much less give them cuddles and eat their snack?
Again, not making this up.
After this experience, I was on a mission. Every conversation we had always came back to one thing:
Never Talk to Strangers!
Mrs. Jessica, can I go outside?
Sure, but if you see someone you don't know, that person is a stranger. What does that mean?
We don't talk to them.
That's right.
Mrs. Jessica, can I walk next to the shopping cart?
Yes, but the people in this store are strangers, right?
Right.
Mrs. Jessica, can I have a piece of candy?
Sure, but we never take candy from whom?
Strangers!
That's right!
Mrs. Jessica, can I sit in the front seat?
No, you're too small. You should never, ever ride in a stranger's car at all, even if they let you ride in the front seat.
Yes ma'am.
You get the picture.
Some kids got this concept, while others did not.
Christopher, my "only sees the world in shades of black-and-white" child, and Kaylee, my "oldest child who is always trying hard to remember all the rules" one, however, completely and totally understood and were quick to remind ME of the rules.
When the nice lady at Target reached over to pat Christopher on the head, he jerked away like she had leprosy. Even after I politely explained that he was ok, nothing to worry about, Christopher said (with the lady still standing there and everything), "But Mommy, that woman is a stranger! We can't talk to her anymore!" Yes. He did, in fact, use his tiny index finger to point at said lady. Yeah.
Or the time Kaylee wouldn't even give her family member a hug because it had been a long time since she had seen him/her.
"Kaylee, why won't you say hello and give hugs?"
She matter-of-factly stated, "Because, Mommy. I don't know that person and they are a stranger. I should never talk to strangers and ex-specially NEVER give them hugs. Ever."
"But, Kaylee, that is your relative. It's ok to give hugs to relatives. That makes them feel loved and happy."
"Well, maybe if I see that person next time, he/she won't be a stranger anymore."
Is it really the child's fault if he doesn't want to be touched, patted, hugged, or spoken to by someone he barely knows (whether related to him/her, or not).
You think I'm making this up, don't you?
If I've learned anything from having very "tell-it-like-it-is" kind of children, it's the value of honesty. Plain and simple. Why not just cut to the chase, clear away all the "fluff," and put it all on the table? The Bible teaches us to, "Let your yes be yes and your no be no" (Matt. 5:37, NIV). It goes on to say that if we add anything other than this, it can be called "evil."
I know, I know. What about hurting other people's feelings? What about being respectful? What about the fact that "I was raised in the South by sweet Grandma Betty Mae, and she always told me to be nice?!"
"But what if my wife asks if she looks fat in her jeans?!!"
I get it. Discretion is important. Use it.
But consider, for a moment, what might happen to a child who refused to be honest about not knowing someone as a stranger?
"Oh, well, I don't want to hurt that man's feelings by refusing his offer of candy, so I'll take it anyway. Just so he won't be upset."
"Mommy said not to go in the car with the lady, but she was really nice, and she was getting sad when I said no to her. So, I'll just go for a short drive."
Are you kidding me?!
Obviously, those responses would not be ideal.
Just like it was not ideal for two of our foster children to ask and receive money and snacks from people they didn't know. Not because we don't want to GET to know other people, but because young children (and obviously some adults...eh hem...) have not yet developed clear, relational boundaries. They do not understand that not everyone who is living, breathing, and possibly bearing hugs and choice fruits, is/can be a FRIEND.
That is where we parents come in. Like it or not, Grandma Betty Mae, it's my job to be brutally honest with my children. And when it comes to strangers, my yes is a yes and my no is a no (but more no's than yes's, that's for sure).
Though it can be awkward, a little annoying, and SUPER embarrassing to have my children be so frank, it is also reassuring. I know that at least Kaylee and Christopher understand the things they are taught. They can remember them. They can follow them. They're not afraid to hurt someone's feelings or make someone uncomfortable to do what's right.
I need to take a lesson from them.
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