Birthdays are a big deal in our house. We go out of our way to make sure each member of our family feels loved, cherished, and a little extra special on his/her birthday. We spend a little extra money on the cake, buy a few gifts, and invite as many family members and friends as we can. To me, a child's birthday is the most important "holiday" of the year....it's the one day we focus all our attention on that one person.
One of our foster boys has a birthday, this month. When I asked him how he spent his birthday, last year, he told me that he didn't get a birthday. He and his brother were temporarily living in the custody of a group home that housed many other children. So, on his special day, he was presented with a card holding a $20 bill, but nothing else. He doesn't even remember having a birthday cake.
Well, that's all I needed to hear to know that this year was going to be extra-special for him.
Chris and I went through great lengths to find a baker that would do a "duck hunter" themed cake. We wanted it to resemble, as closely as possible, this child's favorite TV show. We were even able to secure one that came with an actual replica of a duck call. We were excited!
Next, we bought as much junk food as we could for this child. He is turning 13, after all, so what better way to show how much we care than surrounding him with spicy Cheetos, Dr. Peppers, and Oreos?! Oh, and we threw in a little cash so he could get himself something nicer....or more junk food.
We also purchased and wrapped a large, orange ball for him. Some of our younger children have them, and he wanted one of his own. So, we got him one. Don't ask me......
Instead of a card, we asked everyone to sign a large picture of his favorite character from the above-mentioned TV show, which also had a famous quote from the actor. When he saw it, he laughed and laughed and made sure everyone had a chance to sign it.
Finally, we invited all of his friends, including several adult mentors that drove our of their way to come, as well as his biological mother, grandmother, and cousin. It was a pretty good turn out.
We decorated, sang "Happy Birthday," cut cake, scooped ice cream, served drinks, made small talk with our guests, took pictures, cleaned up afterward. It was a good party, and it was visibly obvious that this child was pleased.
But he did not say thank you even 1 time. Not even once. Not even when he opened his gifts and everyone was watching and it's usually customary to at least throw in a "thanks" because, well, everyone is watching and all.
In fact, later that day, he complained about how his ball got popped (though he allowed his little cousin to play outside with it, sit on it, bounce on it, etc., which he knew wasn't a good idea).
Earlier in the day, he told me that we should've gotten a cake that was even more of a resemblance to his favorite show.
He left his snacks lying all over the house, and even drank one of the sodas and left the empty bottle out in the house where I would have to pick it up.
As soon as cake time was over, he left out of the house with his family and didn't even bother to clean up after himself or his guests.
Later that night, he complained about the pizza place we were planning on taking everyone for dinner. This was totally unrelated to his birthday, yet he literally looked at me and asked, "Shouldn't I get to choose where we go since it's my birthday?"
Please note: the only reason we celebrated his birthday, today, was because we won't be here on his actual day (April 5), but we wanted to be sure that we had the opportunity to do something special for him before we left. So, no, technically, it was NOT his birthday, so no, he should NOT be the one to choose where we go eat.
Yes, this is the same kid who didn't even get a birthday, last year. Yet, he spent the whole day acting as though he was entitled to one, this year.
I'm just not really sure how to process this. This is certainly not the first time a child has acted this way after I have obviously gone above and beyond for him. I have developed a much thicker skin, over the years, because of events like this, so it doesn't hurt my feelings when one of my foster children does this. If anything, I guess I almost expect it.
But I guess I just feel frustrated and annoyed that he would just act like all the effort we put forth was no big deal. Like it was owed to him. It makes me wonder if this is something he has learned from our parenting him, or if he learned this even before I entered the picture. Are these the kinds of kids we are raising?
At times like these, all I can do is thank the Lord for His grace. Not only to get me through birthday celebrations that leave me feeling more wiped out than happy and celebratory, but also to show me how many times He has gone out of His way for me, yet I haven't even taken the time to thank Him. Do I walk around like He owes me something? Do I make demands of Him like this child did me? How are my actions similar, and do I cause my Heavenly Father frustration with my behavior?
Yes. Yes. Let me count the ways.......
We will still have Happy Birthdays in our home, whether they are appreciated or not. We will still celebrate each child, whether they care or not. We will still thank the Lord for giving us the patience, love, mercy, and grace to do so, even when it's hard.
But most of all, I thank Him that He loves us when we act like self-centered, stubborn, ungrateful teenagers.
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