Mkay. I decided to address this particular issue, first, because, well, it's Easter weekend. No, my husband and I do not teach our children to believe in Santa, Leprechauns, the Tooth Fairy, or the Easter Bunny. In fact, we are very honest with them about how these people do not exist in reality, but are like characters in a fictitious movie and/or storybook.
*GASP*
Go ahead. Call me what you will: uncreative, unimaginative, ridiculous. Tell me I am taking away my son and daughter's innocence, that we're bad parents. Many eyebrows have been raised in my direction over this very issue.
We are Evangelical Christians, so the Biblical reasons for our beliefs are first and foremost. But many who will read this already know what the Bible says/teaches regarding honesty, integrity, and the true meaning of our country's most prominent holidays/celebrations: Jesus Christ. He is our main focus, daily, and during holiday seasons, but I have another post coming on all this, so I'll save my thoughts for it.
So here's another reason why this is non-negotiable issue for us:
It's lying. Plain and simple.
I've heard all the responses:
"It's not lying; it's just encouraging their imaginations."
"What's the worst that could happen?"
"If the worst I could do, as a parent, is allow my children to believe in fictitious characters, then I am doing pretty well!"
Truth is, I believed in Santa when I was a child. Many people can relate to my feelings of uncertainty about the whole thing, but with all the books, movies, posters with Mr. Red Suit, himself, popping up long before Thanksgiving, I wanted nothing more than for the whole shenanigan to be real. I wanted to visit the North Pole by sleigh, nibble Christmas cookies by the fire with Mrs. Claus, and maybe, just maybe, I would get my very own, private tour of Santa's Workshop. Oh, what could be better for a 6th grader?!
You read that right. I still wanted to believe, even in the 6th grade.
Until one Christmas Eve when I decided to stay up a little later. My parents hurried my sisters, brother, and me to bed, reminding us that, "Santa won't come 'til you're asleep." Well, "Santa" did not realize that I was still awake. Late into the night, I heard rustling outside. I could see the driveway from bedroom window of our single-wide trailer, and noticed that someone was opening the door to the family car. I pressed my face closer to the glass and realized that it was my mom, who appeared to be retrieving something from the back seat. Ever so carefully, I raised up a little more to get a closer look, careful not to disturb my 2 sisters sleeping next to me in the full-sized bed we shared, just as she pulled her hands from the rusted, hatchback car. In her arms were 4 medium-sized boxes, which, in the darkness, appeared to be wrapped in Christmas paper. It was at that moment that I KNEW.
Even though I reasoned that Santa must know I am still awake and spying on my mother out the window, and that's why he hadn't yet come, I still felt unsure after snuggling down in the covers to finally go to sleep. When we awoke that morning, those 4 gifts were under the tree small. Christmas was sparse that year, so those were the only gifts, all "from Santa."
I was not traumatized by this experience at all. I admit, whole-heartedly, that it was fun believing in elves and reindeer and trips around the world in one night. But it was devastating finding out the truth. Not because I would never get to have cookies with Mrs. Claus, but because my parents lied to me....again.
I don't want my children to feel those same feelings, or hurt in that way. There are too many other people and opportunities in their little world for them to experience disappointment and mistrust. I want to limit myself as a cause, as much as possible.
When Chris and I talk with our children about these symbols of different seasons, we call them just that, "Symbols." We also refer to them as "people dressed up as characters." If they ask questions, we use those opportunities to teach them about the history of certain holidays/traditions, and always preface it with, "Some people believe...." We never tell them they can't believe, nor do we discourage them, but we are always honest with them about what we believe, and what we hope they will learn to believe.
Kaylee and Christopher live normal, healthy lives.Even though we are Christians, our children still get to celebrate holidays and other National Holidays, and our daughter will soon get her first visit from the Tooth Fairy, whom she knows "looks like Mommy." They are not missing out on anything because of our parenting style. In our opinion, they are learning more important lessons than the names of all 8 tiny reindeer or who Peter Cottontail is. They are learning to be thankful for what they get at holidays, to properly thank those from whom they receive, and to be generous, themselves. But they know the truth of where special treats come from.
If they want to talk to us about how these characters are "really real," (or how Batman really does save people), we listen. But we do not leave special presents for our son "from Batman," write letters to our favorite Marvel characters, or plan special days to celebrate their accomplishments. (How silly would that be? I declare August 1st as "Batman Day"! It would be fun, but if we acted as if he were real, that would be plain "ridiculous," huh?) Instead, we hear them out, and gently remind them of the truth, praise them when they have worked a legitimate fact into their tall tale, and move on with our lives.
Also, another important benefit of honesty in this situation is how our children can distinguish between fact and fiction, and I am proud of them for this. So many children, at a young age, do not have this skill. Often times, this is highly detrimental, causing the child to get hurt more frequently, or deny abuse/neglect because they are not fully aware, cognitively, of the realities of their experiences. Thus, they cannot effectively communicate the details of their trauma, and do not receive help in a timely manner. Chris and I are very careful to protect our children from learning certain "truths" too quickly, but we do make a point to tell them as much information as we can, on any given subject, while still keeping it age-appropriate. This helps build trust, as well as effective communication skills within our family.
Those 2 things are more important to us than whether or not our children really believed in some magical leprechaun spreading luck to all on St. Patrick's Day.
If we lie about Santa or the Easter Bunny, what else are we willing to lie about? What else could we be accused of lying about, by our own children?
Think about it.....
And please, put your eyebrows down.
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