Oceans

I am loving this song, today. Hillsong United is one of my favorites, ever, so I love just about everything they sing. But this particular song has reached in a grabbed my heart, and just held on.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PLrQWVpoh7U

I feel like my life is one big wave. Not those tiny, shallow waves that barely splash my ankles, but massive, unrelenting, unpredictable tsunami waves. You know, the kind that come without warning and leave miles and miles of destruction in their wake.

Unfortunately, I was never too good at surfing.

So many times, I feel like I am swimming in the deep, all alone, without a life jacket, boat, or even a small piece of shrapnel to cling to. All the while, I am fighting just to stay above water, to get precious air into my lungs, to gain a foothold somewhere, anywhere, SOME THING to cling to, a small piece of hope that I will survive. Just as I am about to give up, to allow the wave to overtake me, I feel a strong arm, pulling me back to the surface. I hear a voice saying,

"YOU DON'T HAVE MUCH FAITH. WHY DID YOU DOUBT ME?" (Matt. 14:31, NLT)

That's when I know.......I was never alone. Even when the waves of kids, and homework, and behavior issues, and meal planning, and paper work, and meetings, and emotional baggage, and marriage issues, and selfishness, and family crises, and heavy traffic, and bad weather, and government, and taxes, seem to hit ALL AT ONCE, I know that the Lord never left my side.

The strong arm of the Lord kept me afloat. The strong arm of the Lord KEEPS me afloat.

But not just afloat, ON TOP OF THE WAVES. With the strong arm of the Lord guiding me, I can walk on the waves of life and not be shaken! I don't need a boat, a life jacket, or a piece of shrapnel. I hold on tight to my Father's hand, and he keeps me safe.

After all, he is the one who called me out into the ocean, saying,

"IT'S ALL RIGHT; I AM HERE! DON'T BE AFRAID!" (Matt. 14 27, NLT)

Such simple, precious words from a precious Savior.

What tsunamis are you facing, today? Are you allowing God to "hold your face above the waves?" To "lead you where your trust is without borders?"

FLASH

If I could have one "magic" tool for my "parenting toolbox," I would pick the Neuralyzer from the 3 Men in Black movies.

Here's Why:

If you're a mom, you've been there. Pushing a cart full of groceries through a store, eyeing that bag of Reese's peanut butter cups and wondering if you can work it into your budget, when your 3 yr. old yells out something totally inappropriate and embarrassing:

 "Mommy, how did her legs get broken off?"

"Of course, dear." ($150 plus $4.32 equals....OH MY GOODNESS! When did candy get so expensive?! I could buy 2 loaves of bread and a pack of bologna for the cost of 1 bag of these things!)

Seeing that you're not really paying attention, she gets louder:

 "MOMMY! HER LEGS ARE DISAPPEARED!"

Welp, that's enough to wake you out of your chocolate-lover's dream world, after which you quickly look around wondering what in the name of all things your preschooler is talking about. That's when you see her.

The little old lady rolling by in her electric wheelchair, legs amputated at the knees, eyeing a bag of Doritos (and trying really hard not to eye YOU in the process).

I take that back. Your daughter didn't yell it. I'm sure you just thought she did; just like you're sure everyone within a 6-aisle radius is totally NOT staring. Right. At. You.

Whose child is that?!

Who's that child's mother?!

Hasn't that mother taught her child anything about respecting their elders?!

Raybands on.

FLASH

"Kaylee, today we are at the store to get groceries. We will sit quietly in our cart, look straight ahead, and not worry about anyone else in the store. We will obey our Mommy, and if we do this really well, we might get to pick out the cereal for the week. But not the one with mostly marshmallows and high fructose corn syrup."

Then, I would politely put back the incredibly expensive bag of unnecessary calories, and quietly wheel my cart and my child, dazed look and all, to the next aisle.

I'm gonna look into this Neuralyzer thing. I wonder if it works on husbands, too????

#1: Stay Away from Strangers

(Ok, ok. "Creepy" is not a PC word to use. Maybe I was a little harsh. So, let's just change the word to Stranger. Feel better? Ok, good. :) )

Can we just take a moment to talk about how literal our kids can be? How embarrassing it can be for us moms who are trying so hard to teach them about rules, values, morals, and "the way things are" when they blurt out something WE said, but totally didn't mean to be repeated in that context....or in public! Or ever!

Case in point:

About this time, last year, we had the privilege of fostering 2 families of young children, all under the age of 6. As is often the case, these children, due to having various caregivers in and out of their young lives, they did not understand the word STRANGER. I'm talking, every single person they saw was instantly a best friend, playmate, Auntie, Uncle, or in many cases, even "Mama." Literally, I would introduce the child to said person, and the child would immediately answer back, "Will you be my Mama?"

Couldn't make this up if I tried.

Ok, so it took a while, but I finally got over the initial shock of experiences like our 6 yr. old boy who would ask innocent passersby, at Wal-Mart, for money to purchase candy or toys. Like he knew them. I would even ask him about the person he attempted to panhandle, to which he calmly and nonchalantly always replied, "Nope. I never met them. But I just wanted to have some money for the Power Rangers."

What kind of adult fishes money out of his pocket to give to a child he has just met?

Needless to say, I got down to business.

I began explaining how Strangers Are:

1.) People we do not know.
2.) People we have never met. They do not know our names, we do not know their names.
3.) People who do not live with us, go to school with us, go to church with us, or visit us.

If we see a stranger, We Never:

1.) Talk to them.
2.) Take anything from them.
3.) Go anywhere with them.

Pretty simple, right? Absolutely! At least I thought so, until I spied one of our 4 yr. old girls literally plopping herself into a middle-aged woman's lap (whom none of us had ever even SEEN until that day), snuggling up to her, and eating blueberries out of her hand, at the Bounce House.

 Who allows someone's random kid to sit in their lap, in the first place, much less give them cuddles and eat their snack?

 Again, not making this up.

After this experience, I was on a mission. Every conversation we had always came back to one thing:

Never Talk to Strangers!

Mrs. Jessica, can I go outside?
Sure, but if you see someone you don't know, that person is a stranger. What does that mean?
We don't talk to them.
That's right.

Mrs. Jessica, can I walk next to the shopping cart?
Yes, but the people in this store are strangers, right?
Right.

Mrs. Jessica, can I have a piece of candy?
Sure, but we never take candy from whom?
Strangers!
That's right!

Mrs. Jessica, can I sit in the front seat?
No, you're too small. You should never, ever ride in a stranger's car at all, even if they let you ride in the front seat.
Yes ma'am.

You get the picture.

Some kids got this concept, while others did not.

Christopher, my "only sees the world in shades of black-and-white" child, and Kaylee, my "oldest child who is always trying hard to remember all the rules" one, however, completely and totally understood and were quick to remind ME of the rules.

When the nice lady at Target reached over to pat Christopher on the head, he jerked away like she had leprosy. Even after I politely explained that he was ok, nothing to worry about, Christopher said (with the lady still standing there and everything), "But Mommy, that woman is a stranger! We can't talk to her anymore!" Yes. He did, in fact, use his tiny index finger to point at said lady. Yeah.

Or the time Kaylee wouldn't even give her family member a hug because it had been a long time since she had seen him/her.

 "Kaylee, why won't you say hello and give hugs?"

She matter-of-factly stated, "Because, Mommy. I don't know that person and they are a stranger. I should never talk to strangers and ex-specially NEVER give them hugs. Ever."

"But, Kaylee, that is your relative. It's ok to give hugs to relatives. That makes them feel loved and happy."

"Well, maybe if I see that person next time, he/she won't be a stranger anymore."

 Is it really the child's fault if he doesn't want to be touched, patted, hugged, or spoken to by someone he barely knows (whether related to him/her, or not).

You think I'm making this up, don't you?

If I've learned anything from having very "tell-it-like-it-is" kind of children, it's the value of honesty. Plain and simple. Why not just cut to the chase, clear away all the "fluff," and put it all on the table? The Bible teaches us to, "Let your yes be yes and your no be no" (Matt. 5:37, NIV). It goes on to say that if we add anything other than this, it can be called "evil."

I know, I know. What about hurting other people's feelings? What about being respectful? What about the fact that "I was raised in the South by sweet Grandma Betty Mae, and she always told me to be nice?!"

"But what if my wife asks if she looks fat in her jeans?!!"

I get it. Discretion is important. Use it.

But consider, for a moment, what might happen to a child who refused to be honest about not knowing someone as a stranger?

"Oh, well, I don't want to hurt that man's feelings by refusing his offer of candy, so I'll take it anyway. Just so he won't be upset."

"Mommy said not to go in the car with the lady, but she was really nice, and she was getting sad when I said no to her. So, I'll just go for a short drive."

Are you kidding me?!

Obviously, those responses would not be ideal.

Just like it was not ideal for two of our foster children to ask and receive money and snacks from people they didn't know. Not because we don't want to GET to know other people, but because young children (and obviously some adults...eh hem...) have not yet developed clear, relational boundaries. They do not understand that not everyone who is living, breathing, and possibly bearing hugs and choice fruits, is/can be a FRIEND.

That is where we parents come in. Like it or not, Grandma Betty Mae, it's my job to be brutally honest with my children. And when it comes to strangers, my yes is a yes and my no is a no (but more no's than yes's, that's for sure).

Though it can be awkward, a little annoying, and SUPER embarrassing to have my children be so frank, it is also reassuring. I know that at least Kaylee and Christopher understand the things they are taught. They can remember them. They can follow them. They're not afraid to hurt someone's feelings or make someone uncomfortable to do what's right.

I need to take a lesson from them.

#12: We are not freeloaders

I don't think I have ever been more shocked or outraged by someone's story than I was by the one Julie* shared with me, last week. Julie is a sweet lady who comes to our home 4 times a month to work with one of our younger children. She is an Education Intervention mentor who helps our child with social, emotional, and occupational skills in order to prepare him for Pre-K. May the Lord bless her soul for being patient enough with our rambunctious 4-year-old to actually teach him something. Whew!

Julie shared with me, last week, that her 20 year old son has spina bifida. You can read all about this birth defect, here:

http://www.spinabifidaassociation.org/site/c.evKRI7OXIoJ8H/b.8028963/k.BE67/Home.html

When her son, James,* was a baby, Julie and her husband made $25,000, total. I don't mean she made $25,000 and he made $25,000. I mean, their combined, yearly income was $25,000. Obviously, this is not enough money to keep up with the demands of a 5 person household, even in the '90's, much less pay the ever-increasing pile of hospital bills resulting from their child's treatments. So, she and her husband applied for government assistance and disability.

They were denied.

They made too much money.

Until their doctors finally declared James "medically incompetent" at age 4, and allowed Julie's family to receive Medicaid and other benefits for James, Julie and her family struggled to keep up, financially. She said that one year, the government even seized their $4,000 tax return as payment for their past due bills. Though she and her husband were doing the best they could, paying $15 to each bill, each month, and living off of $25 a week, they were still unable to make ends meet.

But the welfare system declined them for the first 4 years of their son's life.

Julie has a case load of 22 kids that she sees for services, each month. She described how one of her families has a child that was just diagnosed with autism. As a result, the family is given a monthly stipend of over $700 for services for their child. This money can go toward any of the child's needs, and a portion can even go toward helping with family expenses and bills. To top it off, they were given back-dated support, because the mother had been filing for this assistance for several months. Her total first installment was over $5000.

I could not even begin to compare one illness/disorder/disease to another, nor begin to determine how and why one might generate more financial expense than the other. But I find it unbelievable that one mother is able to receive thousands of dollars to cover the expenses of her child's needs, while another gets nothing. Can you imagine what that check would've looked like if Julie had been able to receive back-dated support for 4 years?!

Julie said when she saw that family, last week, the mom was bragging about her tanning bed membership and her new hair-do.

Another family Julie services lives in a home "littered with beer cans and bottles," but each parent has a laptop, big screen TV, and they drive SUV's. Neither of the parents work.

In both cases, Julie received Medicaid as the family's form of medical insurance. She knows they receive other government benefits because the families make no attempt to hide this fact, and actually appear to be very proud of this. The mother who got the lump sum check even complained that her food stamp benefits had been decreased to $60 a month.

"Well, at least she gets that! I don't magically get $60 added to my bank account every month!"

SHOCKING and APPALLING.

Unfortunately, while not everyone benefits from government assistance in this way, I do believe that cases like these are the norm, though this is not what was intended with the start of the welfare system. Government assistance was designed to help those who either were unable to care for themselves due to illness, injury, or old age, and to help those who had fallen on hard times. Not to serve as a "free ride through life" like it is, today.

Again, I do not believe all people receiving benefits are using them for irresponsible, selfish purposes.

I personally know someone who was enrolled in a 4 year college but was unable to work, due to her class load. She decided to apply for food stamps while she was student teaching, just to help herself out until she graduated. Anyone who is familiar with this program knows that student teaching is exactly like teaching, but without pay. It takes up at least 6-8 hours of your day, on top of  night classes, which makes it nearly impossible to work. Unfortunately, though she was paying a mortgage and had various other bills, she did not qualify for any assistance at all. Why? She had no dependents (children) and was receiving too many grants and loans....all of which were going to pay for her college courses.

Obviously, the welfare system now rewards those who do not work, attempt to try and better their living situation, or become active members of society. The above-mentioned college student went to school to earn her degree in Education, where she now teaches 3rd grade at a PUBLIC, GOVERNMENT FUNDED SCHOOL. Yet, this is the same government that refused to help her when she was in a financial crunch in college, earning a degree to one day work for them!

I would love to sit at home with my children all day, eat whatever I wanted, play on my computer, and drive a fancy car. I can't even tell you when I last got a real, salon hair cut (I'm not talking about the $10 special at Great Clips, y'all), or even considered having enough extra income to afford a tanning bed membership! But if someone was offering me all these things FOR FREE, you better believe I would be tempted to shout, "Where do I sign?!"

But where is the dignity in that? Where is the sense of pride and self-worth that comes from a job well done? Where are family values, morals, and integrity?

Those things do not come cheap, and are certainly not FREE.

I want to leave my children and family a legacy of hard work, service to others, and good stewardship. I want them to understand that nothing of true value can ever be priced or bought, and that the best things in life ARE NOT FREE. The freedoms we enjoy, games won, degrees earned, jobs secured, families raised, and lives lived require payment in hard work, blood, sweat, and tears of passionate individuals and families that believe in MORE than the temporal satisfaction of material possessions.

There is nothing better than being able to provide for your family and maybe even having a little left over, at the end of the month. But to do so with your own hands is invaluable.

I pray that my children will learn from the stories like that of Julie and her son James. It is always ok to ask for help when needed. But it is not ok to accept help without actively participating in the help received. Nor is it ok to accept help without committing to pay it forward.

I pray that the Lord will give my husband and me the strength, determination, and bravery to continue to show our children, in a world of entitlement, the benefit of hard work, and the value of EARNING rather than simply receiving. I pray that our attempts will reach beyond the things we can see, taste, and touch in this lifetime, extending to eternity where Kaylee and Christopher will learn to "store up treasures in Heaven." I pray that our children will find their true reward is not what man gives them, thinks of them, or desires from them, but that which is from our Heavenly Father.

 For the Lord gives freely, but not unjustly.

(*Names have been changed to protect privacy)

The one less traveled

I used to think, "If you've seen one hiking trail, you've seen them all." And, for most of my life, this belief has kept me free of scary, bug-infested places like the woods, or local state parks. However, after hiking with my family at Devil's Fork, today, I no longer believe that all trails are the same.

Were there rocks, trees, fallen leaves, and lots and lots of dirt? Yes.

Did this path have tiny streams, babbling brooks, and man-made bridges for crossing them? Yes.

Did we trip over protruding tree roots, rest on rotting logs, and scream at the mere sight of ooey-gooey, creepy crawlies? You can bet your life on it.

So, what made this hike different?

 I chose to take notice.

I noticed one of our older boys, who spends most of his time yelling, "Stop!" "Leave me alone!" and "That's mine!" at the younger members of our family, share his chocolate candy bar. He meticulously broke of tiny, brown squares for the 3 youngest children in our group, without being asked, told, or begged to do so. This Hershey's bar was unlike any other bar, because this one cost our older son his precious, coveted, allowance money. This normally self-centered, teenage boy sacrificed something that was his, something he worked hard to be able to purchase, with 3 other people, knowing he would get nothing in return. He did this willingly, and without noticeable regret. What might seem like a small act of kindness (let's face it, 3 small squares of chocolate really isn't a lot, compared to the whole bar) was a miraculous display of selflessness, and I was truly in awe.

I noticed how much my daughter reminds me of her Auntie Vanessa, my husband's sister, as a little girl. With her makeshift walking stick in hand, Kaylee lead our pack down the trail, making sure to point out the white paint marks reminding us that we were on the right track. Long, brown ponytail swaying in the wind, Kaylee was a picture of the utmost confidence and bravery as she charged ahead toward the nearby lake, at the end of the path. She was my "Little Adventure Girl," today, as she waded into the nearby lake, completely unphased by the fact that she was surrounded by boys on all sides.

I noticed that my son's level of compassion and concern for others far outweighs that of any other 4-year-old I have ever known. Upon attempting to climb a steep incline with a very large ravine on one side, this conversation took place:

Me: Christopher, let me get on that side of you, because I don't want you to slip and fall down the big hill.

Christopher: Mommy, I don't want you to fall down, either.

Me: Well, how about we hold hands and keep each other safe.

Christopher (quickly grabbing my hand and squeezing it tightly): That's a great idea because that will be sad if we fall down and get squished.

I noticed how much credit my husband deserves for coming along on trips like these. He could be like other dads who spend their afternoons working, watching TV, playing on their computers, or perfecting their golf swings. Instead, mine helps pack the cooler, snap seat belts, and drives our van-load full of crazy kids to the woods for some afternoon, family fun. Instead of parking himself on a nearby picnic bench, my husband demonstrated how to skip rocks, pointed out interesting sites along our hiking trail, and even repeated, "Slow down," "Look out," and "Be careful" at least 2,000 times during our trip, in an attempt to keep the bruises, bumps, and encounters with those dreaded creepy crawlies to a minimum.

I noticed how, when all was said and done, everyone agreed that their favorite part of the day was, "Everything we did," though all of our foster boys previously complained about having to spend the afternoon in the woods. They even had a blast prying rocks from the sandy banks and throwing them over, and over, and over into the lake. It doesn't take much to show them a good time or keep them entertained!

I also noticed something about myself. Though I was worn and tired from working muscles I didn't know I had until today, I realized that I enjoy being outside. I really, really like to hike and will probably make plans to do it as often as I can before the weather gets too hot. Not because I like dirt. Not because I "feel one with nature." And not even because it beats being cooped up inside all day. I like being outside, and even hiking, because my family is with me.

And when my family is around, I take notice.

You know you live with a Super Dad when.....

You come home from an 8 hour training day

to a completely clean house, living, breathing,

 bathed children, homework done, laundry

folded and put away, and ready-to-eat dinner

(it was Family Night Supper at church, but he

definitely gets a few extra points for getting

everyone to church on time, too).


Did I mention that we have 8 kids, ages 14, 13, 6, 6, 5, 4, 4, 14 months?

#15: Try Your BEST!

Recently, my daughter's kindergarten teacher sent home a note stating how proud and excited she is that everyone in the class is working hard on his/her writing skills. She was "delighted" by all the notes, cards, and books each one completed to give to friends, family, and teachers. As any good teacher would do, she encouraged us parents to continue to foster this love at home by supplying our children with opportunities to practice their newly developed skills.

But then she stated, and I quote:

"Remember, we are only in kindergarten, so please do not get carried away with correcting your child's spelling, for this might discourage him/her from wanting to write."

Let that sink in for a minute........

This statement was written by a teacher who has been practicing her trade for more than 20 years.

Let that sink in for a minute.........

Now, trust me, I am not one of those crazy parents who thinks her children need to be Harvard applicants by age 15. I get that kindergarten is only the beginning, just a precursor for what's to come when "real school" starts. I totally understand that a child must first learn important, valuable, time-tested skills like finger painting, sock puppet making, and play dough sculpting before he/she can ever be expected to actually read, write, or spell correctly.

But really? My daughter's "been teaching for more than 20 years" teacher took the time to write a note discouraging parents from correcting their child's spelling? Really?!

Does anyone else find that to be a bit of an oxymoron? Or perhaps just MORON?

I love that my Sweet-ums loves to write. I even love that she doesn't want my help, most of the time, because she wants to "surprise me" with what she can do all on her own. I love that she always has a beautifully detailed illustration to go with her writing. I love that, when we started this school year, Kaylee could only write her name and some small words. But now she can read and write whole books! It's amazing what a child can learn in just a small amount of time!

I know that Kaylee is only in kindergarten and that she has her whole life to learn to structure her sentences properly, use correct grammar and punctuation, and to spell words correctly. I know that she may not be good at these things, no matter how many classes she sits through, how many examples she is given. I know that she may never be great at writing.

But I always want her to try her best.

And, in this case, her best includes learning to spell words correctly. Even in kindergarten.

*If I didn't correct her, she would still be spelling her brother's name like this: cristofer, instead of this: Christopher.

*If I didn't correct her, she would still be spelling the word "flower" (one that she uses quite often) like this: flowr.

*If I didn't correct her, she would still be spelling "princess" (a word she uses more than once a day, I assure you) like this: pritses.

*If I didn't correct her, she wouldn't be ASKING me how to spell things she is not sure about.

After all, learning to ask for help is the first step in trying your BEST.

I want my child to realize that she does have weaknesses. Without this understanding, she cannot see her need to try. If she does not try, she will merely settle for what she can do/has always had, and she will never know that there is better. That there can be a BEST.

Her Best.

It's Not My Party, But I Might Cry, Anyway

Birthdays are a big deal in our house. We go out of our way to make sure each member of our family feels loved, cherished, and a little extra special on his/her birthday. We spend a little extra money on the cake, buy a few gifts, and invite as many family members and friends as we can. To me, a child's birthday is the most important "holiday" of the year....it's the one day we focus all our attention on that one person.

One of our foster boys has a birthday, this month. When I asked him how he spent his birthday, last year, he told me that he didn't get a birthday. He and his brother were temporarily living in the custody of a group home that housed many other children. So, on his special day, he was presented with a card holding a $20 bill, but nothing else. He doesn't even remember having a birthday cake.

Well, that's all I needed to hear to know that this year was going to be extra-special for him.

Chris and I went through great lengths to find a baker that would do a "duck hunter" themed cake. We wanted it to resemble, as closely as possible, this child's favorite TV show. We were even able to secure one that came with an actual replica of a duck call. We were excited!

Next, we bought as much junk food as we could for this child. He is turning 13, after all, so what better way to show how much we care than surrounding him with spicy Cheetos, Dr. Peppers, and Oreos?! Oh, and we threw in a little cash so he could get himself something nicer....or more junk food.

We also purchased and wrapped a large, orange ball for him. Some of our younger children have them, and he wanted one of his own. So, we got him one. Don't ask me......

Instead of a card, we asked everyone to sign a large picture of his favorite character from the above-mentioned TV show, which also had a famous quote from the actor. When he saw it, he laughed and laughed and made sure everyone had a chance to sign it.

Finally, we invited all of his friends, including several adult mentors that drove our of their way to come, as well as his biological mother, grandmother, and cousin. It was a pretty good turn out.

We decorated, sang "Happy Birthday," cut cake, scooped ice cream, served drinks, made small talk with our guests, took pictures, cleaned up afterward. It was a good party, and it was visibly obvious that this child was pleased.

But he did not say thank you even 1 time. Not even once. Not even when he opened his gifts and everyone was watching and it's usually customary to at least throw in a "thanks" because, well, everyone is watching and all.

In fact, later that day, he complained about how his ball got popped (though he allowed his little cousin to play outside with it, sit on it, bounce on it, etc., which he knew wasn't a good idea).

Earlier in the day, he told me that we should've gotten a cake that was even more of a resemblance to his favorite show.

He left his snacks lying all over the house, and even drank one of the sodas and left the empty bottle out in the house where I would have to pick it up.

As soon as cake time was over, he left out of the house with his family and didn't even bother to clean up after himself or his guests.

Later that night, he complained about the pizza place we were planning on taking everyone for dinner. This was totally unrelated to his birthday, yet he literally looked at me and asked, "Shouldn't I get to choose where we go since it's my birthday?"

Please note: the only reason we celebrated his birthday, today, was because we won't be here on his actual day (April 5), but we wanted to be sure that we had the opportunity to do something special for him before we left. So, no, technically, it was NOT his birthday, so no, he should NOT be the one to choose where we go eat. 

Yes, this is the same kid who didn't even get a birthday, last year. Yet, he spent the whole day acting as though he was entitled to one, this year.

I'm just not really sure how to process this. This is certainly not the first time a child has acted this way after I have obviously gone above and beyond for him. I have developed a much thicker skin, over the years, because of events like this, so it doesn't hurt my feelings when one of my foster children does this. If anything, I guess I almost expect it.

 But I guess I just feel frustrated and annoyed that he would just act like all the effort we put forth was no big deal. Like it was owed to him. It makes me wonder if this is something he has learned from our parenting him, or if he learned this even before I entered the picture. Are these the kinds of kids we are raising?

At times like these, all I can do is thank the Lord for His grace. Not only to get me through birthday celebrations that leave me feeling more wiped out than happy and celebratory, but also to show me how many times He has gone out of His way for me, yet I haven't even taken the time to thank Him. Do I walk around like He owes me something? Do I make demands of Him like this child did me? How are my actions similar, and do I cause my Heavenly Father frustration with my behavior?

Yes. Yes. Let me count the ways.......

We will still have Happy Birthdays in our home, whether they are appreciated or not. We will still celebrate each child, whether they care or not. We will still thank the Lord for giving us the patience, love, mercy, and grace to do so, even when it's hard.

But most of all, I thank Him that He loves us when we act like self-centered, stubborn, ungrateful teenagers.

Thoughts on an Easter Sunday FB Post

I saw a post on Facebook, yesterday, from a church we attended when we lived in Mississippi. The children's minister posted 5 pictures of different children winning Kindle Fires on Easter Sunday. This church has several weekend services, including a Saturday night crowd, so I assumed there was 1-2 prizes given away in each service. When we started at this church, it was in the beginning phases of becoming a community-style church. It only had 1 service, and though they were following several trends of other mega churches, they weren't yet a "mega church." The Lord has blessed them and multiplied their flock, which is truly wonderful.

 However, here are my thoughts on those pictures.

1.) What is a CHILD going to do with a Kindle Fire?! The children's ministry, there, serves the 1st-5th grades. Even if only 5th graders were given the opportunity to win this tiny tablet, what real purpose would those 5th graders have for owning a Kindle Fire? 

2.) The cost of each device, times 5, is about $1,000.00, depending on where/when they were purchased. Why not pick 5 visiting families at random and offer to buy a week's worth of groceries for them, instead? Better yet, find five truly needy families and buy them some groceries. Or take the entire amount, choose one family, buy their groceries, and pay a few of their bills for the month!Wouldn't that be more beneficial, in the long run, than the Kindle?

3.) My husband and I worked at a church plant for  several years, so I get the fact that churches see a huge increase in attendance at their annual Easter and Christmas services. I have seen this happen with my own eyes. Pastors will often change certain things about their services, put in a special song or two, or offer some other incentive for visitors to darken their doors on Easter Sunday. Most of the time, this works. People get the prize, go home feeling pretty good about their morning, and might even come back a few times. But, like I've seen just as often, if the person came for the prize, pretty soon they'll quit coming if the church stops giving prizes.

I think, of all these points, the one that makes me most upset is the last one. What a ruse! I would definitely be turned off from church if they sold me something that wasn't real. Even if the music was a little different, or the speaker wasn't the lead pastor, I would be upset, too, and I probably wouldn't want to come back for a while, either. Chances are, those who don't regularly attend church are either non-believers, or people who have been hurt by the church. I think it's such a disservice to them to think they can be bought by a few freebies and some cool "Easter changes." They've seen through all the other area churches that had "something to offer." What makes this particular church think they won't see through them, as well?

Unless they're giving away Kindle Fires to elementary schoolers, every Sunday, in which case that is a completely different issue, all together.

Don't get me wrong, I like a little change, now and then. I don't want to attend a church, week after week, and be able to predict every little thing that's going to happen. But I think these bigger, community-style churches tend to bait their congregation, all in the name of staying "relevant," "current," or "up and coming."

What is more Relevant, Current, or Up and Coming than The Word of God? Why do Christians, lead Pastors, and Congregations feel they need to add all this "fluff" to make it more appealing?